The plight before Christmas
Originally appeared in the Cape Cod Times on December 24, 2007.
(With apologies to Clement C. Moore )
‘Twas the noon before Christmas, and all ’round the mall,
Not a parking spot was open, not even one small.
Dad checked his long list, with a dull, vacant stare.
He knew Christmas Day soon would be there.
The children were nestled at home on vacation,
With dreams in their heads of a brand new PlayStation.
And Mamma at home scanned her shopping list.
Gifts for everyone, not one had she missed.
Away to the mall Dad had gone in a flash,
With presents to buy and not too much cash.
The crowds in the mall were entirely male
As they searched all about for a last-minute sale.
When what to Dad’s wondering eyes should appear,
But a personal shopper, who said, “Help is here.”
With a shake of the hand, so firm and so quick,
He gave Dad his name: “Call me Dominic.”
More rapid than NASCAR, Dad’s checklist it came.
He mumbled, then shouted, the products by name:
“An iPod, a scooter, an Xbox, a football.
“Some Gap jeans and Webkinz, a cell phone, a Bratz doll.
“My family dropped hints, some big and some small.
“Their wish lists are clear. I must have it all.”
As other men wandered the mall in a daze,
Dominic guided poor Dad through the maze.
Through Best Buy and Target and Borders they flew,
Lugging bags full of toys and new clothing, too.
And then in a panic, Dad slapped his forehead.
A thought had occurred that filled him with dread.
“How could I forget a gift for my wife?
“I’m sure to end up in the doghouse for life.”
Dad’s heart – how it pounded. His pale face was sweating.
Mom’s gift! Of all the things he could be forgetting.
Dominic’s little mouth flashed into a grin,
As he thought for a moment and tapped on his chin.
“As long as there’s room for a charge on your Visa,
“I’m sure we can find a gift that will please her.”
Dominic was cool and collected, a most charming fellow.
In spite of himself, Dad started to mellow.
Dominic spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
Finding gifts for dear Mom, so Dad won’t be a jerk.
Dominic saved bumbling Dad, without a single complaint.
Said Dad, “Nick, I tell you, you’re really a saint.”
The mall’s stores were closing. It was time to be going.
They walked to Dad’s car, their arms overflowing.
Dominic threw gifts in the trunk, with one last mighty heave,
And said, “Merry Christmas to you. See you next Christmas Eve.”